


Melting

by GravityLibrary



Series: Gravity's Jenos x Buck Trash Fire stories [1]
Category: Paladins: Champions Of The Realm (Video Game)
Genre: Buck just a worried boi, First Kiss, Jenos says some crap that not even I can understand, Love Confessions, M/M, Philosophical crap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 22:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17589689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GravityLibrary/pseuds/GravityLibrary
Summary: Buck is trying to filter the thoughts in his head, Jenos wants Buck to share those thoughts with him in hopes it will make him feel better. When the topic shifts to emotions, the night starts to take a different turn...





	Melting

**Author's Note:**

> It is currently 1am where I live, can't sleep.
> 
> But I just reached 2000 hours on Paladins according to steam, so here is my first entry into this fandom to celebrate! :3 Thundersparked is a hoe

It was very late into the night and the cool breeze swept over Buck’s skin. It didn’t send chills through him, but reminded him of where he really was, keeping him from letting his mind float away. The feelings that plagued Buck’s mind kept him from being still, the agitation of trying to forget keeping him awake.

 

The weight of life was keeping him down, there’s only so many people you can see fall down until you wonder when it’s your turn to fall. Buck’s had his fair share of time on the battlefield, but when he left one side to become a monk, only to return to the war but on the other side, the choices of life start flooding back.

 

_What if I stayed with the Magistrate?_

_What if I never made the decision to join the Resistance?_

_What if I never entered the war in the first place?_

_What would life be like?_

The oncoming thought that things could’ve been different, that some things could’ve been helped, that some things could never be. Was this what being a monk does to you? Does it make your mind think in such an odd way that even the most simple of questions can be the most difficult to answer?

 

“I can hear those innermost thoughts of yours, if you are ever looking for someone to discuss them with, I’m always listening.”

 

And additional voice startled Buck out of his own thoughts, looking up to see Jenos’ figure looking down at Buck’s position on the ground. It’s not everyday that a god casually announces their presence to someone who wasn’t expecting it.

 

“Y-you? Want to listen to all the things that go on in my head?” Buck was surprised to hear that when no one usually wanted to hear what he needed to let out, Jenos of all people would happily listen to him rant on about all of his problems.

 

“If it would clear your head from what ails you, then it would be no issue of mine to hear you out”

 

“Y-yeah… That would be good, I got a lot of stuff goin’ on in my head right now. I just need someone to vent to”

 

Jenos kneeled down at Buck’s side, the white glow where Jenos’ eyes would be, looked at Buck, awaiting him to begin speaking.

 

“Whenever you’re ready” Jenos placed his hands on his knees, ignoring all other surrounding noise, as to pay full attention to the woes of the man next to him.

 

“Okay, so, I’ve been thinking, the whole war thing, yeah? What if I didn’t join the war in the first place? Would things be different? Would me not joining the war make a significant change? It just reminds me of how small I am in such a big world.”

 

“You needn’t worry, all that matters is what happens now and in the future. You are only making yourself paranoid over what will never be, you should spend your time working for the future and preparing for what comes. While there is much out there in the ever-growing universe, and that we are mere specs in the grand scheme, we all exist to play a role. It’s whether or not you choose to step into that role or defy it and forge your own path.”

 

“’Mere specs’? That makes me feel _so_ much better.”

 

“Think of it like bricks, many of them can make a house, but as soon as one of those bricks are pulled loose, the house topples to the ground.”

 

“I’m sure this is a whole lot easier for you to understand, but I’m not a god and you are.”

 

“It matters not my power, but what I choose to do with it. You need to understand that while it is good to put other before yourself, just always remember to check how _you_ are going. You needn’t do things that are not meant for you, sometimes, letting other people learn for themselves, is the best course of action.”

 

“I just don’t know what to do with myself”

 

The two sat in silence for a good few minutes, one waiting for the other to start speaking. Buck wanted to speak up but could find no words that matched the sadness he now felt inside. He didn’t know if talking to someone as philosophical as Jenos made things better or worse. He either felt sad listening or didn’t even understand what he was going on about.

 

“Hey… Jenos?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Can you just… give me some words of encouragement?”

 

“Encouragement… what kind are you looking for?”

 

“A kind that might make me feel better about the future.”

 

“If you are looking for any kind of positive feeling about the future, you need to forget about what might be different. You chose a specific path, that of which can no longer be changed, so you need to be grateful for the things you have by doing what brought you to where you are today, war or not. All the people that are counting on you, the Resistance that is grateful for your help in the war, the friends that you have made there and are happy when they see you.”

 

“What if I’m by myself, and there’s nobody to listen to me? Or be happy when they see me?”

 

“Then I will listen to you, and I will be happy to see you.”

 

“Y-you… feel happy… w-when you see me?” Buck’s cheeks started to flush a shade of light pink at those words, whether or not they were just there to make him feel better. Buck couldn’t help but feel warm inside at those words, even on a cold night.

 

“Happy and content are my assumptions, I listen to you because I know you would listen to me, and when you are around I feel relaxed and safe, because I would protect you the same way you would protect me. All those years that I was gone for really took out a piece of me, while I’m back in the Realm I must relearn what it is like to be human, hearing all of the problems that you face, Buck, just reminds me of what it means to be human, and when I am around you, I can put names to feelings again.” Jenos looked down into his own lap, he was never one to share his own thoughts with someone else, but instead would rather hear somebodies thoughts that weren’t his own.

 

“N-names to feelings?” Buck’s fingers start to curl in on themselves, nervousness was swallowing him whole.

 

“When I feel a certain way, I can put a name to what that feeling is again. I’ve learned many things in all the time I was gone, but nothing compares to having a warmth spread throughout your entire being.” Jenos started to feel heat in his cheeks, the redness starting to show. Things he hasn’t felt in a long time flooding back into his being, pleasant surprise or not, it’s still a learning experience.

 

“Feelings are annoying to work with to be honest, you just want to go about your life then a certain feeling hits you like a bag of bricks.”

 

“I can’t say I’ve experienced that before… But I trust in what you say, how you can go about your daily life, but then as soon as you see someone in particular, you seem to cease certain bodily functions, like proper speech and composed movement. It is something truly new to me.”

 

Now things were kind of awkward, both parties flushed and unsure what to say.

 

“So… uhh… You’re talking about love right?” The word ‘love’ felt weird on Buck’s tongue, like it didn’t belong or that his mind was trying to tell him he shouldn’t have said it.

 

“I do believe that is the word for it, but, love, while warm, can also be harmful. Like scales, they can tip in one direction which benefits one, but harms another. Everything is like this, but sometimes, when equilibrium is achieved, both parties can benefit from love.”

 

“I just kinda hear people talking about falling in love and then breaking up… I don’t know much about it, you seem pretty informed.” Buck’s mind tried to stop him from pushing this subject and instead change it to something bearable.

 

“All I know is that I want someone to share it with, the feeling of inner warmth is one you cannot find anywhere else, and I find myself being envious of those who have it.” Jenos shifted his gaze up into Buck’s eyes, nothing indicated inside the lights of Jenos’ mask.

 

“I… could uhh… share it with you… If you’d like?”

 

If Buck could’ve killed himself, he would’ve done it right then and there.

 

What he had done was essentially confessed his ever growing love towards a _god._

 

_Any last words you absolute retard?_

“I find the idea of companionship with someone else endearing, so if you wanted to share that love with me, I would not turn it away.”

 

“You’re not just sayin’ that because you want to feel love with someone else?” Buck fidgeted with his fingers in his lap, twiddling his thumbs in nervousness.

 

“I’m saying it because the warmth I feel when I’m near you is something I would like to share, it only hurts both of us to keep it locked away.”

 

Buck was startled by those words, never in his life did he think he would end up in a relationship with someone else, let alone a god. And that he ended up in a relationship in the most roundabout way.

 

Buck reached a hand forward towards Jenos’ face, his fingers running along the cool metal of his mask. Jenos understood the signal, reached up, and for what Buck thinks is the first time, Jenos took his mask off.

 

His features were defined, cheekbones raised and dusted with a light shade of pink from the nights ongoing conversation, eyes not as upturned as Buck thought, they were soft and quite flat, the white glow of his eyes blew away like a wisp in the wind, a deep shade of ocean blue filled Jenos' irises, now that Buck could see Jenos' proper eyes, the soulfulness they gave to the overall picture made Jenos seem more human than ever before.

 

Buck tried to test the waters of what he was allowed to do here without getting blasted off into nothingness. Running a single thumb across Jenos’ cheek, okay, so Jenos let him do that.

 

It’s now or never.

 

Buck leaned forward and pressed his lips against the god’s, as inexperienced as the two of them were, they were both still looking for more. Jenos pushed upwards into their kiss, giving it more force and passion. Buck threaded a hand into Jenos’ silken blue hair, closing any sort of gap between the two of them and pressing their bodies flush against one another, their warmth being shared in the cold night.

 

When they both pulled away for a breath, Buck saw something he would never forget.

 

The face of Jenos, the God of the Stars, red in the face and out of breath, sweat beading on his forehead from the warmth. What would usually be a completely composed god, has turned what Buck originally thought of him on it’s head. Jenos is still just a human, no matter what way you put it.

 

Seeing the staleness that melted away, was it’s own beautiful reward.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was a thing, this ship sucked me in like a black hole. Also, the mask bit was just some indulgence, I'd like to think that when Jenos takes his mask off, you can see his actual eyes.
> 
>  
> 
> Please send help I can't get get out of this ship.


End file.
